How I Made My Dreams Come True! – By Leanne Pupeza
I’m sitting here in LaMente, the most awesome and coolest recording studio I can ever imagine existing in the world today. The home of Wet Pussy Productions, my record label! What makes it so cool and awesome to me is not that it is full of the most high tech, top of the range equipment, because it is not! Nor that it is full of the most highly trained professional musicians and top paid and qualified producers either…… because it is not! It is the fact that this is where a true adventure began, where I blossomed into the woman I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl. It is where I really learned that there is nothing I cannot do if I put my heart and my mind to it. It is where I dared to believe in myself and silence the dragon that has always been on my shoulder, telling me I am not good enough to do what I have always wanted and dreamed of … To make music!
The outside of our recording studio, La Mente
I developed a true love of music as a little girl because I thought it would bring me closer to my older brother and sister. They both thought I was too little and “uncool” to join them as they used to play music in our basement at home. I remember hearing them as they sang along to artists like The Beastie Boys, The Bloodhound Gang and Pearl Jam and I was always impressed at how they knew all the words. I thought they were sooooo cool and I wanted to be just like them! I quickly learned all the words to every song I could. Even now I am known to be a “human juke box” because it’s true, I do know the lyrics to an impressive catalog of music. It became a part of my identity even though it didn’t get me an ‘in’ with my siblings as I had originally planned.
I grew up always wanting to do something with music but every attempt I made at this dream I very quickly sabotaged, ensuring that it wouldn’t actually happen or eventuate into anything. I booked myself into a DJ school when I was 18 years old and got the dates mixed up and missed it by a week. I went to a sound engineer college part time and decided that my new boyfriend and the nightclubs were more important. I remember in those classes also feeling that I did not belong there because I was too stupid or that everyone else there was better than me. I was afraid that I would be caught out as a huge fake who didn’t belong and ridiculed by the rest of the class and have to leave in a huge ball of shame. So I avoided going.
What happened as I grew older, I continued to be lost in my life as I wandered the world aimlessly not knowing what I was even searching for besides a good time and a party, and I gave up on my dreams. Yes, I still loved music but it was not for me. It was for the people who had the “talent” and the “gift” inside them to pursue it. I knew I still wanted it but I no longer believed the dream was possible for me.
There was a time in my early 30’s where I caught a break to do an internship with a big music festival in Sydney Australia called Future Music. They are well known in Australia and I remember thinking that since I can’t make or sing music I can at least be close to the people “cool enough” and “talented enough” who can. I could be cool by association! But what happened to me during this time was really not cool at all. Again the big ugly dragon of self sabotage showed up and I was a total mess. I started to party hard and show up really hungover, my tendency to turn to food for comfort kicked in big time and in my lunch break I would go and stuff myself so full of food that I would spend the remainder of my afternoon so full with whatever I had binged on. I would just sit at the computer in total guilt, shame and self loathing of what I had just done to myself, making it impossible to concentrate, let alone shine and dazzle the people I so wanted to impress.
ME and the Music Scene!
It went on and on like this. The closer I would get to something I really wanted, I would find a way to “spill the milk” or sabotage it, or I would procrastinate and be lazy and not really try. Here in TierraMitica we teach ourselves in every possible way that there is nothing we cannot do if we put our hearts and minds to something. We actively look for new and exciting challenges to keep proving this to ourselves and over the years I had shown myself that I am capable of great things. Things I never thought were possible like creating life size sculptures, painting giant murals and guiding groups of people in Ayahuasca retreats. But still, when we built LaMente, and there was finally a recording studio for me to play in, my dragon showed up and gave me trouble once again.
Benji and I painting the inside of La Mente, our WPP studio!
The music direction in TierraMitica had blossomed already, it all started with Argonauts whom had come for a workshop and gone home a created great songs about their journey and their struggles. Then we had 2 very special and talented musicians from New Zealand come and volunteer with us for a period of time named Dani & Lars (Their band name was 2Cute because they were and are adorable!). I remember being in awe of these two 21yr olds who could sing such magic together with their amazing voices. I watched on as Lars wrote a whole album during his time here (3 months!) and the struggles and journey he went on to do it. I remember wanting such a journey for myself but not daring to mention it to anyone.
There was a magical Ayahuasca ceremony where I was guiding and serving on the ceremony floor and the Grandmother spoke to me and said “why are you hiding? You want to sing! Little Leanne, she wants you to sing! You are a hypocrite! You dare to tell these people that there is nothing they cannot do but you don’t even believe this for yourself! You lie and tell yourself you cannot sing but you do not even try to find out!” I could not hide or run from this mirror she was holding up to me and this is when I chose to write and sing my first song titled “Proud”. I have since written and performed many awesome songs and I also sprouted the belief in many other TierraMiticans that they too can write and sing songs. Today every single one of us has as least one song and others have many.
I remember I was quick to put my hand up to take the studio on and learn how to use it. I wanted to be sure I beat anyone else to raise their hand and volunteer and I am pretty sure myself and Benji were the only two anyway! We had succeeded in getting something both of us had always dreamed of so you’d think it would be all roses from there right? Well actually we had such a struggle in the beginning, we had no clue of what we were doing at all or how to use the equipment and the software that goes with it! It was a whole new world to discover and learn which really overwhelmed me and fed my dragon who was constantly in my way telling me I was too stupid to understand, it’s too big and too much and will take you forever and perhaps I’m not even cut out for it. There were so many ups and downs and times where I would lose hope in myself. I really struggled to learn as I believed I was too stupid and so I would forget everything and have to start again! It was such a struggle!
Benji and I figuring it out in the studio together!
A long story short is that it took almost one year before Wet Pussy Productions produced something worth listening to! We had a ton of really bad and terrible recordings that sounded horrible! Benji had left the production team and I had a lot of half finished instrumentals and songs just lingering around. I was left to fly solo and then I knew it was either sink, swim, or get the hell out of the swimming pool! It was all up to me now so I could not hide.
It was during our 1 month long sculpting extravaganza that I saw all of the choices I was making and more importantly not making in every area of my life and especially in the studio, the art of sculpting was bringing out my dragon in many ways each day with new challenges! There were days where I could choose to go for it and sculpt and do really great things and feel proud and days where I was too afraid of making mistakes and not trusting myself so it was impossible to progress. It really became very black and white for me and I could ignore it no more that everything came down to my choices and I knew exactly what I had to do!
I had discovered that 80% of my woes at trying to get things to sound great was not in fact because I was an idiot as I had first thought, but it was simply because of a very cheap Chinese microphone that made everything sound off (finally! 9 months later!!) so actually solving this instantly put me in a new playing field and filled me with confidence! I began experimenting with music samples and putting them together to make funky beats and instrumentals and I decided that it was time to move the bacon and make an album!
On my own! And Movin’ the Bacon!
With so many challenges and the baggage of procrastination put on the back burner, “Mythic Tales Of No Guilt Or Shame” was released as our first Wet Pussy Productions album. I finally made a decision to fly and dare to put my heart into something I loved, the process was amazing! I made it happen by going at it step by step, song by song and not being scared of the mountain in front of me anymore. For the first time I was having fun instead of feeling pressure and fear all of the time.
I will never forget when the whole community applauded me for the album and I realized that I had done it! I had managed to make them feel the songs and the music how I feel them too, it was such a magical moment for me and I will never forget it! The whole philosophy of just taking things one step at a time has now permeated everything else I do and it really helps! I feel inspired and excited to create and learn now instead of afraid and anxious. I know that sometimes things don’t work the first go and that is a part of the fun and the play of trying new things and learning as you go. This whole process has really shifted me internally to a place where I know I can dare! I know I can go for things and trust the process, I know now that there is nothing I cannot do and it feels amazing! I’m also no dummy to believe there wont be challenges ahead either. I just know that I am not afraid to face them anymore!
Our First WPP Album; Mythic Tales of No Guilt or Shame!
All of the songs that have been written here in TierraMitica are about real stories, real struggles, and real triumphs by the people living here and so bringing them to life with my own interpretation of how the music and instrumentals sound is really special to me. I see the songs visually in my mind when I hear them and this image is what inspires the music I make for them. It is art and it is my art, it is my passion!
Collectively with the TierraMiticans and the Argonauts I work with, we are creating something unique and very special. Wet Pussy Productions is a label that represents music from our hearts. It will always be about what we have to say and what it makes us feel instead of how big the quality or the production is. I know it is just the beginning and I have such a long way to go and so much to learn. I will always be only competing with myself, to always improve and get better as I grow as a music producer. I truly feel I have already arrived because now I believe in myself!
Dreams do come true if you choose to believe they are possible and choose to push yourself towards them every single day no matter what. The road is sometimes bumpy and we all have our dragons to fight but I promise you it is worth every struggle, every tear and every challenge you will face along the way, step by step– so just go for it! You can make your dreams come true!
Happy and Proud Wet Pussy Productions Producer!
You can check out “Mythic Tales Of No Guilt Or Shame” here on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/1ika5vrrIAu6puX0nxhTU0?fbclid=IwAR2Za1zgb6DOLjjYTzQOFgYheofjRSyuF-vTVoesNTQSe9XH8z378pxT58c
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Read more about Wet Pussy Productions here on our website: https://www.tierramitica.com/wet-pussy-productions/