It’s All For Me – Eli

This time, it's all for me. 

A theme which has been permeating my life, especially these past few months. And wow, does that not change everything after being so unaware of how many people we live our lives for and make choices for other than ourselves, down to the way we make love or fuck or eat our eggs in the morning? How bizarre is that to think about. It feels like the ultimate irony. Now I write, not to impress, only to express…okay, maybe impress a little bit 🙂 … . but I wanted to express to myself, and perhaps those interested enough to read this, how amazing my life is. How even in the thick of grand life changes and professional and personal challenges that life just gets better and more fun. That is why we are doing this after all anyways, right? And why do I do anything? 

For me, of course!

Two days ago I had one of those “my life is a movie” moments. It felt like a combination of a dramatic adventure heist and a heartwarming comedy as I stood there watching a group of men so carefully, attentively, and flawlessly pack up and move a ginormous 300 kg cement sculpture of a Swiss dairy cow from our sculpting workshop and crane her into the back of our truck. And this is not just any Swiss dairy cow. This is Clara-Belle. She’s gorgeous with her white and reddish brown spotted hair, golden bone swirled horns, engorged fleshy udders, her big dark sun dazzled eyes which express nothing more than satisfaction and peace. She wears a broad buckled collar so delicately and beautifully adorned which has the honor of holding her heavy bronze bell that calls out to all in joy and gratitude for abundance and new life. She’s got ears that jut out the sides of her head that make her look so heart wrenchingly cute. 

And these aren’t just any men. These are super hard working men built and grown through grit of intention, dedication and heart, these are men who never gave up on their path to greatness and choose to never give up again and again. These are men I love dearly, that I have the honor of calling my brothers, that I have known to the depths of my being and have been living with for the last 9 years of my life. I have watched these men change and evolve in glorious ways and I feel so fucking proud of them all. I watched in awe and appreciation as they moved this animated oversized Swiss dairy cow with precision and love and couldn’t help but let out a stream of happy giggles as my eyes welled up and I thought “It's all for me”.

We are hitting a milestone in TierraMitica as we are reaching the last leg of our first ever paid sculpting project and boy oh boy have I put so much of myself into this project. I am the anointed Detail Manager where literally every aesthetic and visual detail you can think of is my responsibility and honor in making happen through the sculpting and painting process. A huge part of this process has also been teaching the other TierraMiticans sculpting and painting techniques, sometimes from zero experience to a professional finished product. I have had my challenges, especially with many many details on multiple sculptures at once, usually at different stages in the production process, from adjusting rebar armatures, to detailed metal meshing, cement sculpting and finally top quality painting, all occurring simultaneously to ensure every detail is covered and our best work is achieved. I’ve put many extra hours in at night to ensure everything is delivered on time and is meticulously crafted to the best of our abilities. 

It turns out all my late night wonderland planter projects that I did years ago have paid off, I am thriving off these challenges and in reality, I love the late nights, I trained myself for this and I am the best at what I do. Choices and intention bearing fruits, what a concept! I have put so much of my heart into these sculptures and I have put so much of my heart into Clara-Belle that it really felt that these men, my brothers were transporting my giant baby and I felt so at ease and excited. I trust these guys. I trust my brothers to make our dreams come true, to help me make my dreams come true. And now it just so happens there is one of these men in particular that has taken my dreams extraordinarily personally. His name is Benjamin, Benji.

Life takes unexpected twists and turns and sometimes your choices and intentions land you right where I am today. In a fantastical jungle wonderland paradise, with the coolest people from around the world doing really fun shit and with a wildly passionate man giving me the world. I caught myself yesterday wanting to be afraid to jump straight into love again and I gave that voice a laugh and said “It’s all for me”. Why would I want to be afraid of this life, this new love, if it is all for me. Why would I choose to resist the chance to love again, to be loved and adored and seen in unexpected ways. To be given jungle wild flowers and roses everyday and be told in the most believable ways that I am indeed the most beautiful thing in the entire world. Why would I resist having gourmet steak and mushroom pineapple pizzas cooked for me and having a man inspired enough to spend his entire Sunday moving giant rocks and smashing roots to build gardens for me after full weeks of heavy work. Sure it's fun for him, but really, it's all for me. Why would I resist looking deeper into his familiar eyes, feeling his skin and moving my fingers through his chest hair, listening to his heart beat and his yearning to be one with me, to impress me, to surprise me, to make me smile. A man who wants to not only have my babies but to really make a family and home with me…and in his words, to build a clan! 

I have a man who is making my dreams (and dreams I never knew I could have) come true in the most delightful and surprising ways and is determined to all ends to live a mythic life to the fullest, everyday. A man who wants exactly what I want. I feel it in the way he fucks me with attention and power and in the way he takes responsibility and pride in everything he does now. I’ve known Benji for over nine years and I've watched and felt him evolve, especially in the last two years, into a glorious man, a rock, who I trust fully. Not that he won’t make mistakes, but that he will do everything and anything to make things right and that I’m having a blast along the way. He seeks and finds clarity, makes plans and makes sure those plans follow through. He takes me seriously and with responsibility and I feel safe, he feeds me and makes me laugh. He pleasures me for hours and loves the way I love him too. He can be a goof, a sweetheart and a hopeless romantic and it’s all for me. We are weaving our wild magical wonderland dreams together more each day and this life feels limitless. My life feels like a movie. A fantasy adventure love story. I feel like whatever my little heart desires can and will be fulfilled because why not if it's all for me, all I have to do is choose it. It's kind of difficult to deny when it's right in front of my face… like, all the time. And I absolutely deserve it all. I’ve put in the work to become a pleasure filled honey bomb of a feminine partner who does her part because it takes two and I shall continue to evolve and find new layers within the onion to unfurl. Choices and intention bearing fruits, what a concept!

About a month ago my parents came to visit TierraMitica for the first time in 8 years. Lets just say this time around was miles more enjoyable than the last. They were surprised by how much they enjoyed their time here, how much TierraMitica and all the TierraMiticans have changed and how touched and at peace they felt when they left me again. I know this is because of me. Because I have changed. I am at peace, excited, inspired and passionate about my life here. That I trust our direction as a whole and everyone here is all in. That I trust myself, my man and all that is and is to come as unimaginable as it may feel right now. I had fun with my mom and dad when they were here and I was so proud to show them my life and everything I have created and am creating presently. That this is all for me and I owned it and now they can feel that they are a part of this too. It was cool.

One of the most enjoyable and vivid memories I have with my parents as a kid was going to a place called The Enchanted Forest in British Columbia, Canada. It was a magical place tucked into the dense fir and cedar forests somewhere along the highway, from what I remember, basically in the middle of nowhere and we would stop there on the way to our summer camping destinations. I remember popping my head out of the truck window when we were close by, feeling the warm wind swirling my hair about, watching and smelling the pine trees as they whizzed by and I was always so sure that I knew that indeed it was the next bend in the road that would hold the pull-off sign to the most fantastical place in the whole entire world! The Enchanted Forest just so happened to be a sculpted wonderland! It contained flowing fountains of mermaids, wooden gnome houses built right into the giant cedar trees, towering colored mushrooms with fairies a top and hobbits below, castles and dragons, staircases cut from ginormous fallen trees that you could climb up and it was a Fairytale spectacle. This place obviously had an enormous impact on me as I am now a living FairyTale character in a magical fantastical sculpted wonderland…and this one is all for me… and it is only the beginning! I now get to dance about in the jungle forest… not only as a creator of my own sculpted wonderland full of rainbow butterflies and jungle flowers, but also as a beautiful elf princess in the most fun “effort” to market our RPG in the Jungle endeavours. I get to be a part of creating the coolest gaming adventure in the world as a real-life fantasy character where people will come to live out their wildest and most courageous and magical adventures…in my backyard! In my Kingdom. My enchanted jungle. Where fantasy truly becomes reality…. With choice and intention of course 😉

After all these years I am now really…* que the lightbulb *… realizing that my life is a creation of all my choices, my intention behind my choices, my chosen perceptions and the emotions I choose to feed. That choice really is a gift and I cannot make a choice for anyone else but myself, I am, after all, the person I will wake up with every morning of my life, the person who will be there with me no matter what happens rain or shine, the person who I will walk down every and any path with, the person I really love to impress the most, so why not make the best choices for....me? The choices that allow me to thrive, and fly to the sky with a family by my side! I don’t need to make choices based on anyone else because this life is all for me, that I don’t just have the power to choose to react to things in a particular way, but to just be the creator of the things I have the power to create and put the intention behind it to bear the fruits I desire to devour. And how far does that power really go if I truly feel this life is all for me and I know I can choose to have the intention and determination to make anything happen? These fruits remain to be seen.